This is an unusual diary in which the diarist, Andrew M. Gardner, Michigan native, records the steady and inevitable progress of his own demise. His condition seems to have been aggravated if not caused by his Civil War service. While a diagnosis of his disease is never mentioned the symptoms point to tuberculosis. Gardner describes in great detail his thoughts about his deteriorating health, his symptoms and his treatments, and his physical reactions to the useless medications prescribed for him. His entries gradually contain more religious content as he becomes ever more resigned to death.

Gardner, aged 35, is a native of Augusta, Michigan, he worked for a time in Ann Arbor, in the Register's Office, before moving to Cincinnati, Ohio in 1859. He was a member of the 7^th Ohio Regiment and returned to his home after he became ill in late 1864 or early 1865.

The diary begins on May 18^th, 1865:

       "... Ah yes! It is indeed May 18/65 just 9 months to-day since I caught that severe cold which hurried on the present sickness - It was Aug. 18 - 1864 - The day the 100 day men returned from Maryland - I had a substitute among them - and many - many friends - what a chapter of events both in my own and in the history of the country have transpired...

      In my own case if events had all been put on paper and subjected to the public gaze, I fear instead of encouraging some despondent fellow traveler he would have sat down despairing at the first mile stone!

Or if you please fainted at the half way house !!

Today I am very weak in both mind and body the skeleton only of each remains (figuratively speaking) - ...

      Troubled with Dyspepsia, bad cramp of stomach - cough considerable expectoration more difficult than in clear days - Fever though not violent - dizziness &c - It is awful hard sitting up or lying down, with so many sharp bones projecting..."    

      May 25^th

      "Had coughed a great deal through the night - so cough not so violent this A.M. No appetite. Dressed before eating - not so strong as yesterday - resolve to be very careful today and so I am - (Writing) careful indeed! D & May goes to Town - Eat a little mush sauce and yellow of an egg for breakfast. Take my inhaling med and go to bed - ... Wine, Honey, Bay Rum & licorice from town And a gallon of pure bourbon whisky 11 years old free of charge from my most excellent, esteemed, worthy and distinguished friend John Simpkinson, my former employer of Cincinnati, Ohio..."

      May 26^th

      "Went to bed at 9 ½ o'clk very tired - Slept some - at about 2 ½ o'clk awoke in a profuse perspiration - Dull & stupid - D. arose and assisted me to change garments & wipe off perspiration - cough a little take a mouthful of wine & dose of sweat med. And lie down ... 6 ½ am take 3 teaspoonfuls Bourbon in water - Cough considerable Weak from lack of food ..."

May 27^th

      "... A person in health may very wisely suggest that a sick one keeping a diary, should note things important and interesting - Put on record the best thoughts, at least something which may instruct & edify others and not bore the reader with pains, aches, gloomy and despondent moods - with only an occasional cheerful thought, or half original idea worth remembering - How can racked with pain, tormented with headache, nervousness, Dyspepsia debility, fainting fits, paroxysms, coughs and what not - concentrate mind and with any grace, clearness force or beauty write to the edification of healthy idlers... I write for the benefit or edification of no one - I know what I say is very commonplace ...

      Lie down at 6 very tired - 7 - supper - prescription of Voltain - I ate but reluctantly Retire 9 ½ - Stomach indicates trouble Voltain sits bad ..."

June 3^rd

      "Just like other mornings weak from perspiring, and stomach worse than usual - obliged to lie down before taking a walk... I have about come to the conclusion that med will not do it all I must be stirred about don't get a sufficient quantity of air and I have not the strength to obtain it by exercise. This monotonous life will give the strongest mind ennui. I have not strength to amuse myself by any kind of recreation which requires physical or much mental exercise. Cannot read nor talk. Even hearing others converse any length of time wearies and makes me nervous. Still I do not think generally, I am moody, gloomy and despondent..."

June 4^th

       "... Dr. W arrives at 1 visits me at 2 ½ remains until 4 long conversation as usual much too long - Discusses relative merits of Homoeopathy with other systems - of course giving decided preference to his own (H) above all others - Leaves med..."

June 21^st

       "... Dr. Woodruff arrives with his two daughters visits me at one 1 remains until two I talk too much again. I give him all the facts uncolored what is the use of disguising. He prescribes again although by his appearance he was at the end of his wits or skill - just as you please dear reader..."

July 25 to 31

"Weather still bad I am grievously tormented with fever, sweats and the other settled diseases. Upon the whole I have not been as well through this month as June."

August 1 to 10^th

      "Weather unsettled. Cough very painful and stomach extremely susceptible ... For weeks the thought has obtained firm root that I am slowly but surely passing away - My mind is more calm hope more strong and exultant - The world never appeared less significant Resigned? There are times when I "Long for the land of the Blest." I pray devoutly for forgiveness for past sins - and crave light for the future days which I may live."

August 31,

      ".... 6 o'clock writing heat abating - In all probability I shall not write as much if I live through Sept. Indeed I must not It keeps up a dull pain in my side. Farewell August! I shall never see another month bearing thy name..."

Sept. 2

      "... I should give a short history of my being in Cincinnati Ohio 3 years ago today and in morning upon going down to the store found myself a soldier defacto!! Morning papers told us martial law had been proclaimed. We soon learned what it meant and those belonging to companies recd orders to appear at armories at 10 o'clock a.m. So arranging matters at the store handing one of the partners the safe keys with a "good bye keys." I started for my doom accoutered in military. Scribbled a word to parents and started for armory found numbers of others there. We soon found our Regt. reported to Gen. Wallace first on list accepted ordered not to leave armory but be held in readiness and so we were. I slept on a bench with single blanket... The 4^th we were marched over in to Kentucky. Trod her "sacred soil" went through all the trials of a severe campaign were a squad of us once within a mile of the enemy's pickets, we were in no fight or skirmish which I then deeply regretted... We returned triumphantly to the city the 13^th Sept. (Kirby having fled)..."

      Sept. 8

      "... I did not expect to be as well this A.M. after such a night... What a contrast within a year! Ah! Contrast indeed City & Country - Health & Sickness Busy Life & Sick Room Ambition & Resignation or rather yielding up all worldly schemes..."

       Sept. 12

      "... It is just 6 years ago today at 1 o'clock p.m. since I started from this place to Cincinnati, there to seek employment not obtainable [in] small places, for purpose of erning [sic] a livelihood- was not then in good health Well I arrived and remained a little over five years was taken down and was advised by physicians and friends to repair to the country to repair my health. But something would intrude occasionally and whisper, and indeed at times I felt it - you are going home to die..."

      Nov. 2 -9^th

      "Tuesday Nov. 9^th I find myself (scarcely) able to pen a few lines for Record of a whole week. This week finds me pretty much the same as previous one though bodily I think I am losing ground I do not get much rest nights for coughing... I keep as quite as possible, exert little..."

      Gardner's health declines at an increasing pace throughout the latter part of the fall of 1865. His last entry is dated December 5^th, 1865. The last page carries a brief penciled note at the top: "Andrew Gardner died Dec. 13, 1865. E. M. G."